Reflecting on my first semester in seminary, I sense that most of the intimidation and resistance I experienced came from being “rusty” and wondering if I could “hold my own.” Having come to Claremont School of Theology to embark on a period of discernment towards future ministry, I knew how important spiritual richness and maturity was in this work. What I had felt for some time was a spiritual deficiency in strength and passion. I had grown tired and needed rest in something that would “recharge my batteries.” What I opened to during the semester was the process needed to receive this “recharge.” I am pleased at how I engaged spiritual formation, regaining a sense of rhythm and a habitual pattern of practice.
I also opened to the important role of, and need for, humility in this process. This appeared in front of me about midway through my contemplative practice. Christ as the Good Shepherd, took shape as a symbol of this needed humility. This image, eyes cast downward, gently open, gazing lovingly upon the lamb, came to create a deep point of reference, suggesting the posture of humility I sought. From this reference point I was able to “cut myself some slack,” and began to experience a shift in how I interpret my past.
Having always felt the need to force meaning and purpose on to my life, I have never given much thought to its overall design. I have always considered my life a collection of disjointed happenings, missteps, and encounters. I had come to accept my life as a chaotic series of random events without much direction, following whims, chasing dreams, and grasping at chance. However, through group sharing and individual conversations, I began to see fragments being woven into a single narrative that had brought me to this time and place!
With this, I am invited to look more closely at this “life narrative,” to find the deeper plot within, to listen as it tells its own story. In this way, I realize that for the first time, I am genuinely allowing my life to breathe on its own, allowing it to live, to speak, “to be” what it was meant to be. For this I am grateful. I end this semester with a full and thankful heart, knowing that I have discovered something authentic. I am invited to continue forward with these new insights, allowing them to lead me in new directions.
I also opened to the important role of, and need for, humility in this process. This appeared in front of me about midway through my contemplative practice. Christ as the Good Shepherd, took shape as a symbol of this needed humility. This image, eyes cast downward, gently open, gazing lovingly upon the lamb, came to create a deep point of reference, suggesting the posture of humility I sought. From this reference point I was able to “cut myself some slack,” and began to experience a shift in how I interpret my past.
Having always felt the need to force meaning and purpose on to my life, I have never given much thought to its overall design. I have always considered my life a collection of disjointed happenings, missteps, and encounters. I had come to accept my life as a chaotic series of random events without much direction, following whims, chasing dreams, and grasping at chance. However, through group sharing and individual conversations, I began to see fragments being woven into a single narrative that had brought me to this time and place!
With this, I am invited to look more closely at this “life narrative,” to find the deeper plot within, to listen as it tells its own story. In this way, I realize that for the first time, I am genuinely allowing my life to breathe on its own, allowing it to live, to speak, “to be” what it was meant to be. For this I am grateful. I end this semester with a full and thankful heart, knowing that I have discovered something authentic. I am invited to continue forward with these new insights, allowing them to lead me in new directions.